Do we really need to make "courteous engagement" a part of our employee handbooks?
It saddens me to see the continued separation we enforce with our fellow man in this society. Something as simple as a parking place and it's an energetic fight to see who claims rights first or even worse yet, are you infringing on anothers boundaries by parking to close to the edges of the lines. We walk through a store afraid to make eye contact, greeted by store clerks because it's actually been ordered in their training. When asked, "may I be of assistance" we are programed to respond, "nope, I'm good" or "No Thank YOU" often diverting our eyes away from the person wanting to be of service. Heck, I couldn't tell you how many times I've received change at a check out without a thank you or eye contact, just on to the next customer. Do we really think this doesn't impact us long term?
Consider this scenario; You awake from bed to a coffee pot that for whatever reason hasn't started. Upon returning from your shower you realize that your significant other has taken most the coffee. How do you feel? Are you angry that they've taken more than there's by assuming? What if they assumed you'd already gotten your coffee and knowing you don't normally take more they felt free to take what was left? That simple scenario is grounded in scarcity and fear. Fear that I won't get mine. Fear I'm not important enough, fear I am not safe even.
Now, you just store this event in your fanny pack of objections that by the end of the day will be brimming with examples of how tough your day was. And off to work you go. On the road you experience a series of people who were completely checked out and half on their phones while driving thinking that just cause it's traffic and moving slow it can't be a hazard to text now. No one even looking up or to the side anymore to be in relationship with the people in the car next to them. You walk through work and get to your desk to be greeted by co-workers and the game of "who had a tougher morning starts"! When did we decide it's beneficial to connect through our frustrations and miseries over our love and respect for one another??
After work you need to stop and get groceries, like more coffee! LOL You notice that the store clerks seem friendly and greet you every time they pass. At first, you feel good at their friendliness. But then it sets in that it's been placed in the company rule book to engage any customer within a few feet in a friendly manner. Really???!! Friendly, courteous and eye contact has to be put in the rule book?? That's as bad as the tag inside plastic bags that says "don't leave in the presence of an unattended child for fear of suffocation"
As smart as our society has become technologically we've become dumber emotionally. Our children know how to unlock a cellphone and find games before we will allow them to cross a street unattended. We worry about SAT's and a college plan but invest very little if nothing in our youths emotional intelligence. Teaching them how to connect with peers, why? Because we as a society fear connection. We wonder why bullying is at an all-time high in our schools. Because we aren't connecting!!!
So, what...now what...
We must commit ourselves to begin the process of getting back to humans BEING instead of humans doing. Each day to practice being connected. Turn off your cell phone before dinner and don't turn it back on until the kids are in bed. Look at your significant other as they lay sleeping in the morning instead of hitting your snooze alarm. Speak to every person that you come in contact with for more than 3 minutes, and ask them a question about themselves. Look people in the eyes when they speak to you. And most of all...connect with you. Look yourself in the eyes when you stare yourself in the mirror. Hopefully each one of us brushes our teeth for at least a couple minutes...you gotta be there anyway, why not spend the time connecting with you?! After all, if you won't be in a relationship with you, who the heck will???
